The Café

I was bored. There wasn’t much to do but wait for my friend who was supposed to be here half hour ago. I can’t complain as I make him wait most of the time  myself. This coffee shop was usually busy, but today it was not so much. As I sip my extra hot sugarless cappuccino, I leaned back in my chair looking out the long glass wall that oversaw the street. There was an elderly couple sitting on the wooden bench in front of the supermarket across the street. The woman might be in her early 70’s and the man must be more or less the same age. They both had their walking sticks leaning on the bench next to them.

The woman was wearing a simple grey dress that had seen better days. The color was complimenting her silver hair that fell from her hat. Her face looked so soft even to see, wrinkles flowing down her cheeks and her neck. She had a light pink lipstick on that made me smile. If one has to dress up at that age, you got to really love yourself and I like that spirit. The old man was well dressed too. Neatly tucked in shirt and pressed pants with a belt. He was wearing a sleeveless brown sweater and a flat cap that went well with his sweater and his brown boots. I was imagining what their early life must be like. I thought the man loved the woman and wooed her into marrying him. That must have been a task, since the woman looked much like she was a tough nut to crack. They must have had a great life together with lot of love. The way he looked at her even now with that crinkly eyes and that smile on his face is a proof that he still is in love with her. Their kids must be away and they have a simple cozy place in this town. A grey bedroom and a green couch in their living room. I am not sure why I thought of green couch. But, that is what I think they have. They must have come for a walk and taking rest here for a bit before the last leg of the walk. They must do this regularly or at least 3 days a week, just for something to do. I wonder how many couples will last that long now a days and even if they do, still feel that love for each other. I mean so much that, he could make her blush even now.  I sighed and looked away as a bus passing on the road cut my view and scrutiny into the old couple’s life.

I was sitting at the far end of the café. I looked into my phone for the 100th time in the last 30 mins, still nothing. While I took another sip of my coffee, I saw the people at the café and the serving staff. Though there were not many customers, these guys were still busy. There was a guy taking the orders with the plastered smile on his face. There was a pretty girl  fixing the coffee, there was another girl fixing her pony before she got to her computer to take the next order. There were a few more in the back serving, cleaning, calling names of the ones ready. I could only imagine how hard such customer facing jobs are. I think these guys are good actors, coz no matter how crazy your customer is or how irritating , you always will have to be in the character  that is always smiling and polite and not show your irritation whatsoever. Even if you are having a hell of a day yourself in your personal life.They must be bachelors, none of them looked married. So, they must be staying in hostels or shared flats while also doing something else in addition to this job at the café. I went into another imaginary train. I shook my head as if to change the thought channel in my mind and looked out the window again. The elderly couple was no where to be seen. They might have walked away while I was musing about the staff. I saw a flower seller who was sitting on the bench then. He had mostly roses in all colors, each separately packed in a transparent plastic covers, neatly cut stem and shining bright leaves to go with the roses.

“Ahem, Hello” a beautiful unusual voice pulled me from my reverie. I looked up to see a girl maybe in her mid twenties , tall and lean with big brown eyes staring intently at me, her full lips forming a small curve in the ends. She had her one hand on the satchel she was wearing and the other in tucking a strand of  hair behind her ear. I did not know her for sure, but was she talking to me?

“errr, yes” yes? Was I an idiot? I stammered

“I am waiting for my friend, I see that you could be too. Would you mind if I join you for a few minutes? I really hate sitting and waiting alone.” She said with a shy smile and debating whether to sit with out my permission or wait for it.

“umm, Sure. I guess that is not a problem” I gestured for her to take a seat in front of me.

“thank you very much” She smiled and sat down, taking off her satchel and keeping it on the chair next to her.

She had very long hair, that reached until her hips. Brown hair was complementing her fair complexion. A waitress observed the new addition to my table and arrived with a menu card.

“I will have a cappuccino please. “she said without looking at the menu. “please make it extra hot” she insisted.

I smiled, I had asked for the same.

“so, Am I right? ” she asked resting her chin on the heal of her palm.

I was lost looking at her , that I did not understand what she meant. Had she said something while I was busy studying her? Did I miss anything? It didn’t seem like it.

“err, about what?” I asked like a stupid. She must really think I am an idiot. All my answers have been just two words. I must correct my image before it is spoiled beyond repair in her eyes.

“oh about waiting for your friend” she said slyly

“that, yes. I am the one to keep him waiting usually. I guess he’s taking a revenge today. He must be here soon. And what is your story” I asked sipping my coffee.

“Well, I am always early. My friends told me they’d be here by 12, but I was in the neighborhood for some other reason and I got things done earlier than expected. So here I am at 11.30. I called them to see if they could hurry, but no luck.” She pouted as she shrugged.

She had a very expressive face I had ever seen.  I have seen beautiful, sexy girls, prettier than her. She was not the most attractive but there was something about her that was quite soothing. She was average looking in my assessment. But I was really taken aback when she approached with such confidence to sit and talk to a total stranger. Not many girls do that. She must not think she’s pretty as ever other girl does. Coz , if they think highly of themselves, they definitely don’t strike a conversation with strangers for sure.

“And you don’t like to wait alone.” I quoted her.

“yes, I hate to sit alone and get lost in phone. I would rather talk to someone real. I saw from across the table that you were sitting alone. You looked like you were waiting too, I thought I try my luck. Hope I am not irritating you.” She made an apologetic face.

Right that time, the waitress arrived with her coffee and placed it in front of her with a practiced smile.

“would you like anything else to go with your coffee?” the waitress asked.

“No thank you”. the girl answered with a smile.

She took a sip of her coffee before she lowered the cup and looked at me again.

“Coffee is the best thing in the world. I do not understand when they mix it with so many other things that alter the taste if the real coffee, like chocolate, hazelnut , oreo and what not and call it coffee. That is not coffee, that is a disgrace to coffee. What do you say?”

She asked causally. Taking another sip. I observed that she too had not added any sugar like me. That made me smile again. I had a thing or two common with this stranger girl after all.

“I can’t agree more on that. Plus the sugar is a killer” I said raising my coffee cup to her.

“ugh,, absolutely. I think it is underrated what a simple coffee can do to a person” she went on. I did not try to stop her. At least she was keeping me busy. It was not irritating either. If I had to listen to some random talk like this any other time, when I had better things to do, I might have just walked away. Not turning back to her.

“it can uplift your mood when you are sad, it gives you company when you are waiting, it can be a reason for new relationships to start, it can be like a hug when you need something warm. ” She smiled as she went on.

Her smile must be contagious, my lips smiled too.

“Don’t forget the feeling when you have coffee when it rains and is cold outside” I reminded her.

“oh yeah, that must be the most comforting feeling one can have. No one can replace coffee. Coffee should be awarded Ms. Congeniality ” she concluded

“I vote for it” I said agreeing to her. I felt silly. I have not said anything to make an impression so far. Then  I thought, she never gave me a chance to begin with.

“There could be so many simple things like this coffee in our lives that we miss giving credit to, that we take for granted. Isn’t it? ” she asked a bit smug now.

I wondered where this conversation was going. But I gave her point a thought. So many things in life we take for granted, like the toothbrush we use, clothes that fit, shoes that are comforting, food we eat. But we never feel gratitude for any of it.

“yeah, I guess. I think we are too busy moving on to other complex things that our brains might be so trained by itself to ignore all these little things that happen on a daily basis. ” I mused with her.

“I think we should train our brains to be a little more considerate, to be a little more grateful.” she said

“some brains may be so very full to have this redundant information in them. ” I was not sure why I was playing along at this point.

“we should have some telepathy that each brain sends a signal to another nearest one, to be grateful to at least 10 things in a day. What do you say?” she sat up right as if she had just cracked a Bermuda triangle mystery.

I like that she had so much sense of gratitude in her. Some appreciation for simple things in life. I kinda like this conversation to my utter surprise.

“I think you should be made the president of brains to manage that task and to ensure all the brains obey you” I smiled crookedly. I have to admit that I am smiling a lot despite the conversation I am having with this stranger girl.

“I think I will handle it very well. I was a student president in my high school. I was even awarded the best student president the school had in the  last 5 years.” she beamed proudly.

Hmm, a responsible girl, I thought.

“wow, that is impressive. Congratulations. Then we have a very suitable candidate for the job”  I replied.

“no doubt about it” she said pinching the collar of her shirt.

I had not noticed what she was wearing until now. She had light blue torn jeans on paired with white v neck blouse that was just deep enough, like a tease. She  had brown heels on. I was wearing brown shoes too. I felt like a hopeless schoolkid trying to find similarities between us. She took another sip of her coffee, closing her eyes, savoring the taste. As my eyes started wandering a little bit on to her slender arms and long fingers that were surprisingly not painted, the waitress made another entry to clean up my empty cup while asking if I needed anything else. I politely refused anything else, I was not in a mood to eat anything now. I just realized that I also had not looked into my mobile since this woman came to my table.

“Oh my friends are here” she cheered as she saw a bunch of girls crossing the road through the window.

“oh” was all I could manage. I did not know if I wanted her to go or continue the meaningless rant. In any case, I did not have much of a choice. So my response was minimal. She had started collecting her things already.

She got up “alright then, it was very nice talking to you. Thank you for entertaining me. Until I meet you next time, you can keep this”. She said  with a warm smile as she gave me an envelope.

I had very less time to digest and react. What? What does that mean? What is in this ? Why is she giving me this? Does she give this to all strangers she talks to?

By the time I looked at the table and back at her she had walked out the door without a glance.

I got up from my chair as if to call her, half raising my right hand.
“oh shit” slipped from my mouth as I realized I had not even bothered to ask her name. oh but she did not either.

I tore the envelope open to see a small card that read

Dear Mr,Nirav,

 “The moon lights up the world even in darkness, it is not a million stars, You are that moon, Keep shining bright for the world!!”

I also found a keychain that had a moon in it. The most beautiful one I had ever seen. It even depicted the scars exactly like you see in a full moon.

Now  I was blown away. She knew my name. Who was she? How will I ever find her? Why has she given me this? Aarghh there were a zillion questions more in my head. I had never experienced anything like this before. It was a suspense, surprise and thrilling all at once. I was angry at myself for being such a hopeless bait, but also pleased to have met her and thrilled to have received the gift with such a beautiful verse written for me.

I held the key chain in my hand and turned it over, Sure enough it had my name engraved on it. I was never more surprised. Instead of being so many things, I felt a sense of excitement.

I was laughing a myself for no reason.

My friend came huffing and puffing to the table where I was sitting.

“okay, I know you want to kill me ….coz I made you wait. But wait a sec before that, coz I have a .. ” He started to apologize holding the table to support his body. He looked like he came running from the parking.

“What are you talking about?. I just came a min ago” I said stopping him before he could go on as I silently and ever so gently put the envelope into my pocket.

I got up and put my arm on his shoulder to turn him around. I could not sit here anymore now, not with him , not after talking to her in the same place, not without thinking about all those questions.

“I know a better place, lets get out of here” I said as I walked him to the door.

Quaint!

A path to moon!!

In the darkness I was so lost

Searching for a path but no where to go

Until I saw you shining bright

A huge round chandelier from the sky, a beautiful sight

When you began to descend in red

Like a beautiful bride,

There was no words to explain the sight!!

All I did was close my eyes and wish to be with you

To touch you and hug you

Just one time , tell you how much I’ve loved you

How many times in a breath have I wished

If only I could come to you!

Then I saw a blinding  path 

As if the silver lightning was stretched

Illuminating the aisle that led to you!

I closed my eyes and leapt

Only to feel the soothing bright light

Like the breeze of the wind

The power of the thunder

Yet calm as an ocean

All within me , all at once

And when I opened my eyes ,

They were gleaming bright

Like silver in your light!!

Envious world!!

This is a world of envy
Life has its way
Not one two but many
It is black it is grey
Grey envies black
It is true the other way!!
I see no explanation
I envy the ones ,
Who know it all!
I see every detail there is
I envy the ones who,
Don’t know what they want!
I see all those are wealthy
I envy the ones,
Who have it all!
I see all those are happy
I envy the ones,
Who don’t care for it all!
I see a bag full of problems
I envy those,
Who come out as winners!
I see life as a cakewalk
I envy those,
Who’s dinner is full of desserts!
This is a world of envy
Remember to remember
Plenty are the reasons to envy
Many are the people to envy
Some you do, some envy you!!

Such is my love!

Yes, my love is crazy
Jealous at the girls you see
Murderous at the ones you touch
Insecure when someone impress you
Envious of ones starting in your dreams
Happy at the ones you ignore!

Yes, my love is Greedy
For I need you all to myself
Afraid to lose you
To the touch of another hand
To the smell of another scent
To the taste of another kiss
To the warmth of another skin!

Yes, my love is such
I cannot help much
I am not ashamed
I am not scared
For I know I can fight a war alone
To make you mine and mine alone!

Ever since you arrived!

As you filled our lives with colors

Spreading more than joy in our hearts

Never for a second, I thought

I would feel the way I do

Ever since you have arrived

The world seems different!

I want nothing but to hold you in my arms

And never let you go

For there is no other parallel

To how you make me feel

Ever since you have arrived

I have become alive!

Those words you speak

Those sparkly eyes

That toothless smile

Means the world to me

Ever since you have arrived

I want to dream of nothing else!

It is 365 days,

Yet feels like just yesterday

The feeling is so fresh

Like a beautiful dream

Ever since you have arrived

You are my world!

JIM_9166

Alone but Together…

Alone I went into a new world
Nothing felt normal
yet everything was!
Nothing felt new
Yet everything was!

Days flew, months masked, time escaped
Nothing mattered
yet it bothered !
Nothing much changed
Yet everything was new!

Alone I experienced the universe within me,
Nothing felt the same
yet I saw the difference!
Nothing felt spectacular
yet I was amazed!

Alone I was in a cocoon of love
Nothing was transparent
yet I could see!
No one was far away
yet I could not reach!

There came a day, I was alone no more
There came an angel, Sharing my  world
Bringing me back to a world I knew
yet so new
Nothing was different
Nothing was normal
yet everything was Beautiful!

c301ff56d492a63e57133dfd28dd463a--paisley-art-beautiful-pregnancy

After a while..

sunset-sky-vivid-oceanAfter a while, before it’s late
I come back, in your life
Don’t ask me where I was
Don’t ask me how I was
For I was within you
Thinking of you
Counting stars in the night
Sighing sadly at the wait
Teary eyes blurred my view
Until I found you very new
Here I come with dancing heart
Glad to see your open arms
Lift me up high in the air
I will never leave you again
After a while, before it’s late
Take me home and tell a tale!!!!

Clueless, lost, Hopefull !!

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Life is full of
Unmapped mysteries
All those turns and twists
Paths rough and smooth
I don’t know why exists
I stayed calm and went with it!!

Minding my own business
Believing it is world’s norm
Getting past the hurdles faced
Answering all the questions raised
Few I knew few I figured
But few remain unanswerd!!

I dreamt of a fancy life
Dream girl for a loving wife
Watch my parents play with my child
A small happy family of mine
In the dream Mansion of my own
I dreamt of traveling the world
Handsome money and success in load!!

All my dreams are fed
All the milestones crossed
Life has come full circle
Boon or bane, I have it all
Now what?
Where do I start?
What do I want?
I’m clueless, I’m lost!!

Alone I stand in a no man’s land
Set on a quest to find answers for the rest
leaving behind the past
I walk the paths and take the turns
With Hope by my side
I still walk with pride
I know for sure the answers prevail
I know one day they will unveil!!

A night to remember! !

    

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In this bright full moon night
With you in my sight
I’m bewitched,  lust in a love’s deceit
Like the waves attracted to moon
Like bees makes the flower bloom
I’m your lover you are my boon!!

As the Ocean swells and spreads in the full moon night
My heart feels like a flying kite
This wicked mind is a sire
With the breeze singing in a choir
My body burns with sweet desire
I Wait for that Moonance to put off this fire
Let’s make this a night to remember
Let’s complete the picture together
Of this most beautiful day ever!!

For anyone who’s not read my previous post
And if you are wondering what Moonance means, here it is
Moonance = Moon + Romance

Thanks to my friend who came up with this new word 🙂  I am having so much fun using it 🙂 
PS: thank you 🙂

A night to remember! !

    

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In this bright full moon night
With you in my sight
I’m bewitched,  lust in a love’s deceit
Like the waves attracted to moon
Like bees makes the flower bloom
I’m your lover you are my boon!!

As the Ocean swells and spreads in the full moon night
My heart feels like a flying kite
This wicked mind is a sire
With the breeze singing in a choir
My body burns with sweet desire
I Wait for that Moonance to put off this fire
Let’s make this a night to remember
Let’s complete the picture together
Of this most beautiful day ever!!

For anyone who’s not read my previous post
And if you are wondering what Moonance means, here it is
Moonance = Moon + Romance

Thanks to my friend who came up with this new word 🙂  I am having so much fun using it 🙂 
PS: thank you 🙂

Desert Rose!!

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I saw you walking in the dim light
As the handsome silhouette became bright
Covered in dust and dirt
Eyes playing absolute flirt
I fell for you at first sight
Blushing to the racing heart!!

You were from a world unknown
Unknown to my world that is barren
Where You see no green no rain
And To you I seem alien
For I am away from sumptuousness
In a hot abandoned land of emptiness
Far away from your fancy world!!

I was a Crippled seeking  for stars
For there is no history of love
Of my kind in where I live
As I was lost in thoughts
Wondering your existence in my world
Here I stood gazing you dazed!!

You were the truth hard to believe
Wearing your heart on your sleeve
You walked like a king making me your slave
The lust in your eyes profound
Breath stuck in my gut
I am lost and not found!!

Your lips playing crooked smile
As you placed them on mine
Sending chills down my spine
Intoxicated you were in love
Drenched in my  scent
Soaked in my beauty
We Moonanced till the sun rise
Just me and you in the universe!!

Pecking my lips, Caressing my face
Soon you walked away with grace
Heel of your footprints is what I faced
For the rest of the night rest of the days
My heart says you will return
to that reunion I will wait
I am your desert rose
waiting for that blissful night !!

Note: Don’t search for Moonance in the dictionary you will not find it 😜
This is a BRAND NEW Word Coined by my friend.
“Moon+Romance = Moonance ” 🙂 😆 😉

PS : Thank you for introducing “Moonance” to the world  🙂

The Last Mile to Oasis!!

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A voice in you is crystals clear
A thought inside has no fear
Remember, you are chasing a dream not so far
it is not  a castle you are building
But it is a Kingdom you have a thirst for!!

Your shoulders may hunch
For all the responsibilites are bunch
Your throat may dry away
For you are screaming into deaf ears
Your eyes may get tired
For only you are staring the invisible successs!!

It may all seem muddled now
It may all seem impossible now
It may all seem tiresome now
But remember this
New rays will emerge in the horizon
Your armour will shine along your victory!!

The day will come
Spreading joy for all and some
A smile across your face
When you see puzzles fall in place
Keep feeding your dreams
Keep walking those streets
For there’s no end to Success neither to Dreams!!

Desperate soul in an Unruly Mess!!

How do I find myself in the midst of dramas. All the time!!

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Honestly I do not know the answer. It is not that I make any conscious effort to be a part of the drama. But I will eventually be in one or the other at any given point. There is no day in my life as far as I can remember that there is nothing bothering me – okay , maybe that’s a little bit of an exaggeration- but that is what it feels like to me.

Even if it is not my problem, it will be someone else’s around me. My friends or their family, or my family itself. Could be my father-in-law’s property problem which my husband will be involved in, and I will inevitably find myself in that soup. My friend is undergoing a hard time after delivery, her new born is in ICU ,critical since birth, it has been a week now and I find myself worrying about it. Another friend’s father has met with an accident underwent a major surgery and I find myself spending my weekend over his place. Cousin of mine is suffering a head stroke from months, scheduled his second major brain surgery in the coming week, and I find myself visiting him and rant about he is going to be okay and soon he will play with his two little girls. I couldn’t decipher a word he was trying to speak. It was all non-coherent and I just went on and on not bothering his questions. At the same time I am consoling a friend who wants to leave the country because she needs a change and clueless about what she wants in life.

Sometimes it all seems tiring. Not just physically -of course not all of these people are in the same hospital- but more so mentally. If I start thinking about all of these things I Just cannot put my head into work. I think my mind operates like two different people, or two different rooms.

When I sit in the cab every morning to go to work , I put all that is worrying me in one room lock the door and put the key safely in a place, so I can open them later. When I get back home, no matter what I have on my plate I have to put them in another room and lock it before I open the key of the other room. I feel like two different people each time. One cannot fit in other’s role. I know it is not probably the most efficient way to deal with things, but that’s the best I can do. While doing so I screw few things royally –  that’s mostly my personal life.

I wonder how other women with children and in-laws manage, or with parents  and not-so-understanding husbands or men with nagging/cribbing wives, old age ill parents, infants or young people away from homes. How do they manage it all? I am sure everyone have their share of dramas in life. I don’t see many cribbing about it like I am right now. I know there is nothing called Work-Life balance. But there should be one side balanced in the least (or is it too much to expect in  all the mess? ) at any point I do not want to put my career at stake. Right now I am lucky enough to work in a great team and the best possible management (I mean my Boss). At the same time I cannot take things for granted. I want to be career oriented too. Aim big, dream big ,, yes, all of that. But how? Yeah,, that’s more than a million dollar question. My brain just cannot take anymore of meaningful stuff. I don’t know how to best manage things! (Looser!! – yea agree)

I am not saying I am doing the most selfless job or I am trying to solve all their problems. NO ,, I AM NOT TRYING TO DO THAT! But still, I am in the middle of someone’s life. How and Why ? I have no clue.  Should I be? Could I quit? I have no clue either.

If I start thinking about all these things at once, my head will probably explode , I may end up running on the roads screaming on top of my voice.

Most importantly no one cares what you are going thru, since mostly in these type of situations you will only be in the listening mode. You cannot go share one’s problems with another. You will have to keep ALL of that to yourself and that is very difficult. Sometimes you want to shut yourself from everyone you know  or just be numb to people around you and be a zombie or to care less about everything  and say “fuck you!” to the problems, act as if nothing has ever happened!

Phew!! I know this too shall pass. Right now I am confused and seem to be deeply buried in shit. As long as I am holding my breath, it seems to be too difficult to live. I may just have to breathe that stink and get over with it soon. Only I am yearning to see that ray of light on the other side of the tunnel in all of these people’s lives. Desperately!

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