Clueless, lost, Hopefull !!

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Life is full of
Unmapped mysteries
All those turns and twists
Paths rough and smooth
I don’t know why exists
I stayed calm and went with it!!

Minding my own business
Believing it is world’s norm
Getting past the hurdles faced
Answering all the questions raised
Few I knew few I figured
But few remain unanswerd!!

I dreamt of a fancy life
Dream girl for a loving wife
Watch my parents play with my child
A small happy family of mine
In the dream Mansion of my own
I dreamt of traveling the world
Handsome money and success in load!!

All my dreams are fed
All the milestones crossed
Life has come full circle
Boon or bane, I have it all
Now what?
Where do I start?
What do I want?
I’m clueless, I’m lost!!

Alone I stand in a no man’s land
Set on a quest to find answers for the rest
leaving behind the past
I walk the paths and take the turns
With Hope by my side
I still walk with pride
I know for sure the answers prevail
I know one day they will unveil!!

A night to remember! !

    

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In this bright full moon night
With you in my sight
I’m bewitched,  lust in a love’s deceit
Like the waves attracted to moon
Like bees makes the flower bloom
I’m your lover you are my boon!!

As the Ocean swells and spreads in the full moon night
My heart feels like a flying kite
This wicked mind is a sire
With the breeze singing in a choir
My body burns with sweet desire
I Wait for that Moonance to put off this fire
Let’s make this a night to remember
Let’s complete the picture together
Of this most beautiful day ever!!

For anyone who’s not read my previous post
And if you are wondering what Moonance means, here it is
Moonance = Moon + Romance

Thanks to my friend who came up with this new word 🙂  I am having so much fun using it 🙂 
PS: thank you 🙂

A night to remember! !

    

image

In this bright full moon night
With you in my sight
I’m bewitched,  lust in a love’s deceit
Like the waves attracted to moon
Like bees makes the flower bloom
I’m your lover you are my boon!!

As the Ocean swells and spreads in the full moon night
My heart feels like a flying kite
This wicked mind is a sire
With the breeze singing in a choir
My body burns with sweet desire
I Wait for that Moonance to put off this fire
Let’s make this a night to remember
Let’s complete the picture together
Of this most beautiful day ever!!

For anyone who’s not read my previous post
And if you are wondering what Moonance means, here it is
Moonance = Moon + Romance

Thanks to my friend who came up with this new word 🙂  I am having so much fun using it 🙂 
PS: thank you 🙂

Desperate soul in an Unruly Mess!!

How do I find myself in the midst of dramas. All the time!!

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Honestly I do not know the answer. It is not that I make any conscious effort to be a part of the drama. But I will eventually be in one or the other at any given point. There is no day in my life as far as I can remember that there is nothing bothering me – okay , maybe that’s a little bit of an exaggeration- but that is what it feels like to me.

Even if it is not my problem, it will be someone else’s around me. My friends or their family, or my family itself. Could be my father-in-law’s property problem which my husband will be involved in, and I will inevitably find myself in that soup. My friend is undergoing a hard time after delivery, her new born is in ICU ,critical since birth, it has been a week now and I find myself worrying about it. Another friend’s father has met with an accident underwent a major surgery and I find myself spending my weekend over his place. Cousin of mine is suffering a head stroke from months, scheduled his second major brain surgery in the coming week, and I find myself visiting him and rant about he is going to be okay and soon he will play with his two little girls. I couldn’t decipher a word he was trying to speak. It was all non-coherent and I just went on and on not bothering his questions. At the same time I am consoling a friend who wants to leave the country because she needs a change and clueless about what she wants in life.

Sometimes it all seems tiring. Not just physically -of course not all of these people are in the same hospital- but more so mentally. If I start thinking about all of these things I Just cannot put my head into work. I think my mind operates like two different people, or two different rooms.

When I sit in the cab every morning to go to work , I put all that is worrying me in one room lock the door and put the key safely in a place, so I can open them later. When I get back home, no matter what I have on my plate I have to put them in another room and lock it before I open the key of the other room. I feel like two different people each time. One cannot fit in other’s role. I know it is not probably the most efficient way to deal with things, but that’s the best I can do. While doing so I screw few things royally –  that’s mostly my personal life.

I wonder how other women with children and in-laws manage, or with parents  and not-so-understanding husbands or men with nagging/cribbing wives, old age ill parents, infants or young people away from homes. How do they manage it all? I am sure everyone have their share of dramas in life. I don’t see many cribbing about it like I am right now. I know there is nothing called Work-Life balance. But there should be one side balanced in the least (or is it too much to expect in  all the mess? ) at any point I do not want to put my career at stake. Right now I am lucky enough to work in a great team and the best possible management (I mean my Boss). At the same time I cannot take things for granted. I want to be career oriented too. Aim big, dream big ,, yes, all of that. But how? Yeah,, that’s more than a million dollar question. My brain just cannot take anymore of meaningful stuff. I don’t know how to best manage things! (Looser!! – yea agree)

I am not saying I am doing the most selfless job or I am trying to solve all their problems. NO ,, I AM NOT TRYING TO DO THAT! But still, I am in the middle of someone’s life. How and Why ? I have no clue.  Should I be? Could I quit? I have no clue either.

If I start thinking about all these things at once, my head will probably explode , I may end up running on the roads screaming on top of my voice.

Most importantly no one cares what you are going thru, since mostly in these type of situations you will only be in the listening mode. You cannot go share one’s problems with another. You will have to keep ALL of that to yourself and that is very difficult. Sometimes you want to shut yourself from everyone you know  or just be numb to people around you and be a zombie or to care less about everything  and say “fuck you!” to the problems, act as if nothing has ever happened!

Phew!! I know this too shall pass. Right now I am confused and seem to be deeply buried in shit. As long as I am holding my breath, it seems to be too difficult to live. I may just have to breathe that stink and get over with it soon. Only I am yearning to see that ray of light on the other side of the tunnel in all of these people’s lives. Desperately!

Until next time this day!

I was there four years ago
You told me all that changed
Everything in the universe change over the days
Just like everything In and around you over the years
Nothing is insignificantly negligible
For all that in a way touches your life
Seasons change flowers die, comets destroy
People change, needs change
Happiness change, so does sadness
feelings becomes emotions
Dreams become reality
More become friends,  allies and enemies
More does eyes see, more goes into treasures of memories
I am here today after the last leap
Fill me in with all that changed
I will be here with you next time
To know what has changed in time!
Until then, live, celebrate and treasure!!

Together we can!!

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What you cannot fight alone
Together we can
Alone you can fail
Together we won’t
Let us dream bigger
Grow together
Help each other
Work hard, party harder
Fight our own fears
Beat our own success
There is a leader within us
Let’s unleash him
And lead from within
For Success isn’t a destination
But a pit stop of celebration
Before we set on
Yet another Journey!
Yet another Success!!
Yet another Party!!!
Together we Can!!!

Dreams!!

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 I have dreams
 Each of vivid colours
 Each of different size
 Emotions, People, Feelings
 keep popping and Bursting
 Mind you...
 I'm not scared...
 I keep dreaming.. ...
 More Mightier and more colours!!