I need you!

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This heart needs some peace

My love needs a destination

I have found you

I know I need you

I need the feel of your presence

I need you every second!

You are the blood in my veins

You are the air in my lungs

You don’t know who you are

My heart is stubborn and it needs you

My wounds deep they yearn your touch

My sky need you as my moon my sun!

It is a dark empty space Without you

Out there and inside of me

I need you in every beat of my heart

I need you in every turn of my life

I need you in the journey of my love

I just need you

So I can stay alive!

Beautiful Monday – Living my dream :)

Today has been a weirdly pleasant day so far. I was up until 2AM last night. It has been a rainy morning in here. It is raining non-stop and I am absolutely lovviinnnnnggg it. I did not want get up from the bed in the first place. But I had to drag myself up coz I was already late to work. I sat up on the bed looking out the window. The sky was grey and it was showering constantly the wind was too chill and the sound of rain plus gushing wind was soothing. A smile escaped my lips for no reason. I sometimes think I am weird, But it’s okay I guess. World is full of serious people. A hundred or two like me, wouldn’t hurt ;). So, I went onto my morning chores. I tried my luck for finding a cab from 8Am in the morning. The Apps tested all my patience I tell you. Sometimes they weren’t connecting or they were highly charged, Uber was over the top, 6x,4x. I waited till 9.50, then I thought maybe I should just get out and find an auto. I get out , locked the door and its pouring down! Damn!

I had Ola and Uber apps open all the time. I saw one cab on Ola in 5 min. I try to book it, it says “uh, sorry, we are trying to add more cabs. Please try us after sometime”. Grrrr damn you guys! Uber was still demanding 4times the fare. I gave up and decided to walk.I walked to the nearest bus stop. Waited for namma BMTC (local public transport in Bengaluru). No luck for 30 min. I thought maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t go to work today. 😛

I go to the Auto stand. All the drivers are sitting inside chatting, laughing. I go and ask them
“sir, Residency Road?” I am squinting in the drizzle with stole on my head and my laptop on my back. “no madam. Tumba traffic ide, yaru baralla (too much traffic, no one will come)” replied one of the drivers. One of them took pity on me and helped me get another Auto.

It took me 30 min to travel 2 kilometers. I am not exaggerating! I got frustrated. I opened my laptop and started typing  🙂 I was almost near my office after almost 2 hours in the auto. The driver Karimulla khan went on and on about the irritating traffic and how rains block the ways and blah blah blah. I tuned him out. I had got into the grove of writing. Now , I did not want to go to the office. Ha ha 🙂

I told him to take a deviation and drop me at Brigade road instead. He looked puzzled but did not dare ask any question. I got down from the Auto crossed the road and started to walk. I did not know where to go. But Office was a big NO. I knew I wouldn’t work if I go. I thought a coffee shop would be a better place. I always had dreamed like this, you know? Taking off all by myself sitting in a  coffee place with good ambience, sipping coffee in a wonderful weather, looking out the glass at the drizzles with my hair tied up in a bun, sitting comfortably with a pleasant smile on my face, my laptop and my journal in front of me and Music in the background. Only I had thought of it in a different place, but this been better than I’d thought. IMG-20151116-WA0003

I exactly am doing all that today 🙂 living my dream 🙂 and it feels incredible.

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P.S: Thanks to my boss for approving my leave. #secret He’s as crazy as I am and that works for me! 😛 #shusshh #dontTellAnyone

Have you seen ME ??!!

I am looking for Myself !
In myself for myself !

All that time I spent being your version of ME,
Is not me!
All that pain I endured and had smile on my face,
Is not me!
All that love I shared when was shattered, still had that smile,
That’s not me!
When you make me someone I am not,
Is not me!

I am under the mask!
Under the mask that pretends to be me!
Ignoring the jabs, living up to ones around me,
stumbling and falling , yet on my feet and moving forward,
Of course with the smile and confidence on my face!
Coz that’s  what world looks at, and not my scraped, bleeding knees,
Neither my dirty palms!

I hear a voice screaming from within me!
But, the world around is so loud,
My ears can’t hear the now dull dying voice!
I am lost!  Lost between the world and me!

I still have to find me!
In me, for me!
Have you seen me?!

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What I want in my life!!

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I want to do something in life , that the world remembers
that people could talk about , 
that people I know could be proud of , 
that I could be Proud of ….

I pick up my work and think Its difficult ,
I look at the problem, I think it’s not my cup of tea
I try to reason with people working along, I think they know more than I do
I step back and think is this really what I want in my Life? 

I Sit alone think and re-think and think my re-thinking again 
and I do not have the answer to my questions ever, never!
I wake up in the morning to the ring of the bell,
there starts my monotonous routine that ends when I hit the sack,
only to wait for the bell to ring again,
and I think is this what I want in my life? 

I think of a better job, a better place to land up in
that could bring some color to my monochromatic life,
I stop, coz always the other side of the shore looks greener
Would I lose my ground in my attempt to hop across? 
and yet,  I still think, is this what I really want in my life? 

Honest answers might not make much difference, 
for life is more practical, more unpredictable 
that brings inevitable twists and turns our way,
While my fantasies are happier places and 
that is what my heart wants me to believe,
My mind thinks of all the time…
But apparently, Life is a bitch !! 
and I still don’t know what I want in my life…..