Desperate soul in an Unruly Mess!!

How do I find myself in the midst of dramas. All the time!!

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Honestly I do not know the answer. It is not that I make any conscious effort to be a part of the drama. But I will eventually be in one or the other at any given point. There is no day in my life as far as I can remember that there is nothing bothering me – okay , maybe that’s a little bit of an exaggeration- but that is what it feels like to me.

Even if it is not my problem, it will be someone else’s around me. My friends or their family, or my family itself. Could be my father-in-law’s property problem which my husband will be involved in, and I will inevitably find myself in that soup. My friend is undergoing a hard time after delivery, her new born is in ICU ,critical since birth, it has been a week now and I find myself worrying about it. Another friend’s father has met with an accident underwent a major surgery and I find myself spending my weekend over his place. Cousin of mine is suffering a head stroke from months, scheduled his second major brain surgery in the coming week, and I find myself visiting him and rant about he is going to be okay and soon he will play with his two little girls. I couldn’t decipher a word he was trying to speak. It was all non-coherent and I just went on and on not bothering his questions. At the same time I am consoling a friend who wants to leave the country because she needs a change and clueless about what she wants in life.

Sometimes it all seems tiring. Not just physically -of course not all of these people are in the same hospital- but more so mentally. If I start thinking about all of these things I Just cannot put my head into work. I think my mind operates like two different people, or two different rooms.

When I sit in the cab every morning to go to work , I put all that is worrying me in one room lock the door and put the key safely in a place, so I can open them later. When I get back home, no matter what I have on my plate I have to put them in another room and lock it before I open the key of the other room. I feel like two different people each time. One cannot fit in other’s role. I know it is not probably the most efficient way to deal with things, but that’s the best I can do. While doing so I screw few things royally –  that’s mostly my personal life.

I wonder how other women with children and in-laws manage, or with parents  and not-so-understanding husbands or men with nagging/cribbing wives, old age ill parents, infants or young people away from homes. How do they manage it all? I am sure everyone have their share of dramas in life. I don’t see many cribbing about it like I am right now. I know there is nothing called Work-Life balance. But there should be one side balanced in the least (or is it too much to expect in  all the mess? ) at any point I do not want to put my career at stake. Right now I am lucky enough to work in a great team and the best possible management (I mean my Boss). At the same time I cannot take things for granted. I want to be career oriented too. Aim big, dream big ,, yes, all of that. But how? Yeah,, that’s more than a million dollar question. My brain just cannot take anymore of meaningful stuff. I don’t know how to best manage things! (Looser!! – yea agree)

I am not saying I am doing the most selfless job or I am trying to solve all their problems. NO ,, I AM NOT TRYING TO DO THAT! But still, I am in the middle of someone’s life. How and Why ? I have no clue.  Should I be? Could I quit? I have no clue either.

If I start thinking about all these things at once, my head will probably explode , I may end up running on the roads screaming on top of my voice.

Most importantly no one cares what you are going thru, since mostly in these type of situations you will only be in the listening mode. You cannot go share one’s problems with another. You will have to keep ALL of that to yourself and that is very difficult. Sometimes you want to shut yourself from everyone you know  or just be numb to people around you and be a zombie or to care less about everything  and say “fuck you!” to the problems, act as if nothing has ever happened!

Phew!! I know this too shall pass. Right now I am confused and seem to be deeply buried in shit. As long as I am holding my breath, it seems to be too difficult to live. I may just have to breathe that stink and get over with it soon. Only I am yearning to see that ray of light on the other side of the tunnel in all of these people’s lives. Desperately!

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Together we can!!

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What you cannot fight alone
Together we can
Alone you can fail
Together we won’t
Let us dream bigger
Grow together
Help each other
Work hard, party harder
Fight our own fears
Beat our own success
There is a leader within us
Let’s unleash him
And lead from within
For Success isn’t a destination
But a pit stop of celebration
Before we set on
Yet another Journey!
Yet another Success!!
Yet another Party!!!
Together we Can!!!

My City- There’s Sunlight!!

YAAYYY!! There’s sunlight!!! Everything is bright and shiny:) It had been very gloomy mornings and days in namma Bengaluru from past 10 days. It would pour down every day and because of that there were traffic congestions everywhere, complaints of people bout it, trees had fallen, the news channels made money by jus showing the same pit on the road for 30 min. People like me would cry to wake up from the bed in such weather.  When it is cold and raining early morning all I want to do is to be tucked in my bed  or sip a good coffee looking out at rains #myDreamaworld .
Duh!! #Reality I curse the alarm, snooze it 2 times. That sleep between the snoozes is the best I tell you. Then heat up the water as there won’t be solar water in the taps. Drag my feet to the bathroom, take call from transport to direct the cab to my place – there will be a different driver every single day anddd I will be running around the house finding my things. That’s my reality.
But today. . There’s sunnnnnn 🙂 !! -Not that I like Sun over Rains, but when you have to get your ass out of bed to go to work I think the Sun serves better than the romantic grey clouds and drizzles ;);).
Sitting inthe cab ,  I see more cheerful faces on the roads, birds extending their wings warming them up starting their day instead of being stuck in the trees. I close my eyes letting the sun rays warm my eyelids.  It’s a nice feeling. Have you ever tried ? It is a bit challenging -to get him warm my skin constantly for even a min- with the high rise buildings, over bridges blocking him from me. 

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All in all I think it is a great Morning and I am feeling nothing less than better;)
I hope you all have a wonderful day too!!

An evening in the cab 2 -Flowers in the night!

It’s 9.09 PM on a Tuesday. It was a long day. Although I didn’t do much at work, it was tiring. Last couple of days have been a little stressful   I guess I still haven’t recovered from that.
I had the office cab that starts at 10 PM, but I took a private cab an hour early. Despite my Boss asking me to leave early I was a bit stubborn to sit back and work- mostly coz of the guilt that I haven’t really worked anything today – not that it helped #rollingeyes.
I ended up reading a single line more than 3 times! #duh.

The cab I had booked arrived in 7min. Letting my hair open, leaning back in the Etios Liva with a descent leg space (kinda very imp, specially when you are tired and want to stretch ur legs) watching those florescent street lamps coloring the night a warm sepia, the usual traffic not bothering me, I didn’t want the journey to end.  I just wanted the driver to keep driving wherever the road takes.

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As the cab stopped at a traffic signal, my eyes fell on a tree to my right. It had unusual maroon flowers with yellow in the middle. Looked very beautiful (damn my phone camera! )It looked like velvet and I thought,  I cross that Signal twice everyday but I never had seen that.  The tree was actually in the park on the road side.  A huge branch was perched on the road which had its own branches, it’s as big as a tree itself. I  then realised I had never seen the fence either. It’s a silly thing  but it made me think.

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It was almost like this! Almost!

Then I started to ponder, how much of the natural obvious things do we miss in life coz of our so called very-busy-routine. Things, emotions,  feelings, happiness, thoughts, inside, outside and within.  How much am I missing?  How many lives have I touched today just by existing?
Our brains usually are so preoccupied, that sometimes maybe most of the times we miss the obvious. Always thinking,  running, always planning, trying to be in control, in pursuit of something.

It’s a race against time!

I’m not complaining. I know it’s ‘only one life’ funda. At the same time I think it’s important to slow down a bit once in a while coz it is ‘Only One Life’! !

Good Morning from Bengaluru!!!

In the now waking City people too are wide awake, they are active and have already found their purpose for the day . There are already red lights in traffic, flower market is open ,  I see the marriage halls getting ready for someone’s marriage-to be a part of everyone’s life who goes there today, mainly the ones who are getting hitched. Buses are decently full with college students, office-goers and some who wants to find an office to go. Then there are people in Cars and cabs and bikes going to work. The roads are busy with vehicles even at this hour. Oh by the way the time now is 6.40am. There are auto rickshaws standing in a line with their drivers in khaki brown shirts waiting next to them for the customers. People of all age group in their tracks and shoes working out their bodies, some to get in shape, some good health :). I see some still sleepy faces standing near a small tea shop,  where the chai wala brews a hot cup of Chai that is expected to wake those sleepy heads. There are vegetable sellers going to market hoping a better prize for their effort.

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Then there’s namma Bengaluru’s awesome-possome weather. Its bright but cloudy, there’s little bit of sunlight just as much required like salt in a dish.  Perfect! Bengaluru which is most commonly known as Bangalore is called The Garden City coz of plenty of gardens and parks it once had (sadly the past tense)They are pretty much there even today, but only few are well maintained and green. In all the hustle and bustle of the city’s terrific traffic, these trees glow golden to the first rays of the sun, it is a beautiful sight. This city – which otherwise is like a bold hot and happening chick at a loud disco – at this hour is like is doing meditation..calm and natural.  Ha ha 🙂

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Good Morning Beautiful World! ♡

Solkadi – A soulful drink!

Myself and my friend went this palce called ” ‘Mahesh lunch home’ for dinner, it’s very next to my office. 
I had not been there in a long long time. We just walked to the place. A tall guy in dark grey outfit opened the door and welcomed us in. There were tiny bulbs in a strip stuck along the entrance step which lead to a small space before we reached two fights of stairs on the left with black granite steps. A small yellow light was fixed along the wall at every step and that was all  the light in the space. It made the place look more simple  yet very warm.
The interior was dark and the place looks like its in an attic mainly because the height of the room is not more than 10ft .
We picked a near by table. A big menu was filled with sea food, Oh by the way!  This place known for exquisite sea food. As vegetarians we didn’t hav many options and thanks to my friend for picking the dishes before hand. Some apams, neer dosa and veggies plus masala papad and this drink I tried for the first time called ‘Solkadi’ andddd we were good. 

We started filling the silence with talks bout our project and in between my blog and how people don’t want to learn or do anything new, blaming the Indian education system. Then came our main course and the talks continued.

At the end of our meal came our drink.  It was light pastel plum in colour. The glasses looked perspirated coz of the chilled drink inside. My friend always says writing is not that easy, and I disagree. He says not everyone can express the feelings.  I say that is because they won’t try. So, now I asked him to explain how the drink tasted. He denied, I insisted.
He said ” its cold, and spicy” . Then it was my turn. I took some more sips before I could come up with my explanation.  Actually  it was mild in the begging,  spicy when it’s on your tongue, it tickles the taste buds with sour flavour in the end but a little after few seconds it feels sweet.

My friend suddenly came up with his super-crazy-connecting-the-dots talent.  Its like life: mild when you are a child,  spicy when you are young, sour when adult and when you look back in the end its all sweet! Its not Solkadi, it’s SOUL-KADI like hindsight of life.
I thought it was really interesting. 🙂

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Solkadi is a very flavorful drink made with kokum and coconut milk with ginger/ garlic paste to give it a spicy tinge. Usually served after the meal because of its digestive qualities. A very famous drink in the Konkan area of India.
You should definitely try when you get a chance! Good for Soul ;):)

Kuala lumpur – My first international journey

I landed at kl airport at 4.30 India time. That is 7 am Malaysia time.  Waited for my boss. He was coming directly from Bangalore. We were to meet at the airport. It was a very uncomfortable flight journey.  I was dog tired. It was going to be a very long day. I met him after 15 min of wait.  We rented a taxi to the hotel. It was an hour’s journey.  I felt the roads were wide and clean,  the trees on both sides,  many cars I didn’t recognise,  different infrastructure. There was bad traffic from just 300 Meters from the hotel.  We could see the hotel, if not for the luggage,  I would have just got down and walked.
Checking in was another drama,  maybe I’ll write bout it some other time. 
We didn’t go to the office as it was late but we had too much work.  Finally I slept at 12 in the night.  It’s been crazy days since Monday. 
Not finding time to even call home. By the time I finish work,  the day is gone. 
I have no freaking idea how 4 days have passed.

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This building is just Magnificent.  Loved it! 

I kinda like this city. M staying in the heart of the city. Maybe the very happening place.  Walkable to the twin Tower/ KLCC is also called petrona Towers. Except for humidity,  I can’t think of a thing to not like it here. At least until now. 
Hope I get time to write again. 
It’s 12 already, I am drained, supposed to be meeting my boss and another senior at 7 am for breakfast.  Phewww!!